i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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