I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize