we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
