You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
high people should be assigned attendants
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
