sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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