I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no. you can't hotbox the world.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't turn off my feet"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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