God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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