so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Drunk is not a location!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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