Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
