i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
