The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
