she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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