Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
