guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize