Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wanna go halves on a baby?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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