i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
