My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize