Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
