It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize