and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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