its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
