we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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