I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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