The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
