Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
