I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
