I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
