I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize