don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.