thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots