I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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