Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen