She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis