I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.