Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
