There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
