Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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