shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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