I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize