you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize