You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.