you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.