I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...