Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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