Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
