mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
These tits shall not be calmed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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