Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
