ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
