I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
