I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
