I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
