i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
