Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
