Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize