Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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