i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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