found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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