One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize